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Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
A Day In The Life
4:47 a.m. - Wake up to the sound of ice cubes being forcefully thrown into a glass. Stagger into kitchen to find husband making himself a drink. Look at him out of one squinty eye and say "You do realize it's almost 5:00, right?" Get "I just walked in the f***king door!" as a response. Attempt to open other eye and ask "So, um, how are the roads?" Get "Shitty! Absolutely SHITTY!" as a response. Turn around and go back to bed.
5:00 a.m. - First alarm goes off. Turn on TV in the hopes that I won't have to drive Boy Wonder to school today so I don't have to deal with the inattentive parents that drop their kids off. Alas, school is not cancelled, nor is it delayed. Poopy.
5:30 a.m. - Second alarm goes off. Turn TV on again hoping that school has been cancelled. Nope. Silly me, why would I think school would be cancelled today? They never cancelled it after the 11 inches we had last week! Decided to just give up hoping for a snow day and take a shower.
5:55 a.m. - Leave warm sanctity of the bathroom for the freezing temperatures of the living room. Listen to the snowblowers start up and the graders begin to clear the streets.
6:20 a.m. - Wake the Bub up. Listen to him beg for "Just 10 more minutes pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? Wait, isn't it supposed to be a snow day?" Watch all of his hopes and dreams drain out of his fair-skinned face when I tell him yes, you can have 10 more minutes, but no, we're not having a snow day.
6:35 a.m. - Give the Bub 15 extra minutes of sleep. Peel the covers off of him and attempt to drag him out of bed. Essentially force-feed him a bowl of oatmeal until he wakes up enough to feed himself.
6:37 a.m. - Bub wakes up enough to realize he doesn't like oatmeal. Eats it anyway.
6:55 a.m. - Call Kevin Rompa, newscaster for WBAY a lying bastard for saying that school is still open. Poopy Snickerdoodles.
6:56 a.m. - Apologize to Kevin for calling him a lying bastard.
7:00 a.m. - Watch yuppie neighbor attempt to snowblow driveway. I'll show his yuppie ass how things are done. Never underestimate the power of a pissed off midget. Make a note that I will be snowblowing when I get back from dropping the Bub off at at school since Husband is sleeping.
7:30 a.m. - Brush snow off of Jeep Jeep. I am happy that it is actually semi-warm out.
7:45 a.m. - Drop Bub off at school. Grumble over the parents that either a) can't park and walk their kids to the line or 2) can't just drop their child off and keep going. Get honked at by a parent attempting to butt into the drop-off line. Smile and wave while quietly putting a curse on them and their mini-van with the DVD playing in the backseat.
7:52 a.m. - Arrive home. Psych myself up for the project ahead.
8:06 a.m. - Bundle up for my project.
8:36 a.m. - Give up trying to figure out what's wrong with the snowblower and decided to play the "I'm a girl I shouldn't even know how to run this damn thing" card. If your snowblower sounds like a sewing machine there's obviously something not working properly.
8:45 - 9:55 a.m. - Attempt to do homework/study for tomorrow's final. Listen to Pickles complain that because I'm at the kitchen table she is unable to crack the assortment of mixed nuts I have on the table. Tell her that as soon as I'm done (and I'll get done faster if she would wait politely in the other room) I will crack some for her. Pickles pouts off, nutless.
10:00 a.m. - Let Pickles attempt to crack her own nut.
10:01 a.m. - Get hit in face with hazelnut. Ask Pickles to please put the nutcracker down and slowly step away from the table. She complies, wide-eyed and impressed at how much force a Filbert being shot out of a nutcracker actually has.
10:02 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. - Make coffee, bagel, complain to former boss/close friend Leeeeesa about being hit with a nut. Get laughed at and reminded that not only have I been nearly blinded by Pickles, but she also gave my kitchen "Pizazz!" last Friday by blowing the glitter from her "art" all over the place. In the words of Nerma, "It looked like a stripper blew up!"
10:30 a.m. - Attempt to finish homework. Pray I will not again be the victim of another run-by nutting.
11:50 a.m. - Listen to Pickles wiggle her way into her outside clothes. Laugh hysterically when all I can see is a brightly-colored butterfly print hat bounce back and forth in front of the kitchen window. Realize she has her hat on funny and it makes her look like Hermie from Rudolph.
12:35 p.m. - FINALLY finish homework/studying for tomorrow's final final. I am happily amused by the song playing on Pandora as I finish - "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" by Quiet Riot. Thank you! Don't mind if I do!
12:57 p.m. - Make a sammich, refill Pickles-pilfered nutless nut tray. Look outside and laugh at the fact that Pickles is following so closely behind Husband while he snowblows that every time he stops to adjust the chute she runs head-first into his butt. Oh, of course it took him only seconds to start the damn thing.
1:23 p.m - Realize this entry is way too long. Consider making more Cranberry-Popcorn chains for tree. Consideration noted, then denied.
2:15 p.m. - Leave to pick Bub up from school.
2:45 p.m. - Make cookie dough.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
These are a few of my issues with things...
Things that made me happy today:
- Snow! We finally have snow. My children can now stop asking in their sweet little whiney voices "Moooooooooooommmmmmmm?????????? When is it going to snoooooooooooooowwwwwwww?"
Blue Steel. Someday he'll found the
King Henry Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And
Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too
- I finally to to snuggle with King Henry the Champ. I smelled like baby when I got home from Nermie's...and I didn't care!
- I got to poke Chesty's tummy to play with Mr. Boy. His big sister Audragon put on a show for all of us at Nermie's house. It was absolutely breathtaking.
- 4-Wheel Drive. I got to use it last night on my way home from Nermie's. I happen to enjoy my purple Jeep Jeep and all of his abilities.
Things that made me sad:
- Nermie lost her grandfather earlier this week. He had been sick for a while, but it's still hard to see the relative of someone you love like a sister pass away. Rest in peace Grandpa Kramer!
- My children have apparently been visited by the three the ghosts of Christmas. Not your usual ghosts. You know, Christmas Past, Christmas Present and Christmas Future. My children have been visited by the ghosts of "Not Me!" "Not Mine!" and "I Didn't Do It!". I swear to God when I find these three ghosts I'm sending them back to Gozer.
- My local Mack, Volvo and UD dealership. We had 11 inches of snow dump on us last night and they still want my husband to drive the 4 hours to Chicago for a two day class. On something he already knows. Seriously, if you work on the same trucks for 13 1/2 years and you're more than up-to-date on the trucks and their inner workings is there really a valid reason for having to drive the afternoon of a snowstorm? I think not. But then again, I'm the angry wife, so what do I know.
I'm trying very hard to get back into the Christmas spirit. Help? Anyone? I'll make cookies...
Friday, December 3, 2010
Happy Holidays!
So yes, I've been too busy to post lately, what with school and whatnot. Which I will toot my own horn, "toot toot MF!" and say that I'm doing better than I ever thought I would, so KMA to anyone that doubted my decision!
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