Dirty Thirty!

Thirty days. Well, depending on when you read this it might be less, but 30 days 'til I'm 30.

I'm definitely taking this birthday better than the 29th, why for I'm not sure...

Last year I planned my birthday for two weeks, telling everyone they better come now because I was never having another one. Then, 12 hours before my 29th birthday I was laid off.

Lucky for me my birthday happens to fall on May 1st, which has the wonderful "Hooray hooray! The first of May!" poem that goes with it. I got all kinds of neat stuff from the bars last year. I will admit the candy necklace was the most fun of all!

This year, when I turn 29 again, I plan on having the same people that were with me last year help me celebrate.

And it will be glorious...

Happy Birthday Li'l Sis!

Birthday Girl!

Saturday night is one of those nights we'll never forget. What started off with a nice "family" dinner turned into a very drunken friend-kissing stranger-groping loud-music bigass-drink kind of night!

The evening started off innocently enough at Grazies, where Li'l Sis, Nerma, Chesty, Mom and I all got crabs. Blue Crab Ravioli to be precise, but hey, the "Oh my GOD we all have CRABS!" thing was hysterical to us.

Following our wonderful dinner (along with wine, cocktails, etc.) we headed to Stadium View for more free drinks for Li'l Sis. Of course she got her blinking glass which instantly made her - and the rest of us for that matter - very dizzy. I wish I could figure out how to get Nerma's videos to work. She got some very interesting youtube-worthy threesome dancing on video.

When we'd had enough of the noise of SV we staggered over to Anduzzi's. Much to Li'l Sis's disappointment they were OUT OF BLINKING GLASSES! Bastards. We happened to meet some very nice people there and Li'l Sis got a phone number! They show up later...

We decided to check out the bars on Broadway and slowly work our way downtown. By now it was around 11:00 so we were very much full of birthday joy. Our next stop was the Sardine Can, which was packed as tight as, well, a sardine can. We managed to find our way to the back room where we could be as loud and obnoxious as we wanted without being in the way. Of course, you give the drunken Birthday Girl a glass of ice water, she's going to spill it. Luckily Chesty was there to clean her up! We're all such good big sisters...

Chesty cleaning up Li'l Sis

No sweetheart. No one will notice...

Chesty had an awesome idea earlier that evening that we put into play after the Sardine Can. "Let's go to XS!" I had never been there before, and even though I have a lot of friends that have invited me to go before this would be my first time there. For those of you that don't know what XS is, it is a GLBT/Dance Club.

We finally make it to XS. While dancing with Li'l Sis (granted we were kind of pinned up against a wall) we had a very butch woman look us up and down, wink, nod her head and yell "Yeah! That's what I'M talkin' about!" Other than that it was a blast! Li'l Sis even got her picture taken with a very interesting young gentleman...

Birthday Kisses at XS

While we were at XS we got a text from the guy Li'l had met earlier that night. Luckily they were at a bar - Shenanigans - almost directly across the street from where we were so it was easy enough to walk there.

We got there just in time to finish our night off with a bigass drink...a drink I like to call "The Drink that Kicked My Ass."

Drink that Kicked My Ass

After we closed down Shenanigans we headed home, dropping A & the JTrain off at JTrain's house. Li'l Sis, Chesty & Nerma decided that Taco Bell was a good idea so off we went. About halfway there I decided that Taco Bell was definitely NOT for me and began thanking the company that made the mini-van for making reclining seats. Like I said, the drink kicked my ass...

Upon making it back to Nerma & Li'l Sis's house I proceeded to, ahem, "fall asleep" on the couch. Apparently the Taco Hell that Li'l had needed so badly didn't taste so yummy anymore so that was the end of that! Oh, and a GINORMOUS thank you to Chesty for pulling my car into the driveway so I didn't get a ticket! I LOVE you!

Of course since I'm still new to this whole blogging thing I haven't quite figured out how to get more than a few pictures on each post. I'll do a pic-only post once I get more pics from Saturday night!

Hope you had a great birthday Li'l Girl! I'm so glad we all got to be there to make it special!

We're going out tonight!!!!

Yes, I totally understand it's Nickelback, and that apparently they're the debbil, but this pretty much sums up what's going to happen tonight.

Happy 21st Birthday Li'l Sis! Love you!

Love, Feewah :)

Friday Funday.

As of 4:00 this afternoon I will not have my children. As much as I love them and would throw myself in front of a truck to save them I need some "mommy" time.

So tonight I'll be having fun with my good friend Lisa. Tomorrow is Li'l Sis's 21st birthday! Nerma is coming home! Huzzah!

I can't wait...SSSSSQQQQQQUUUUUUUEEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!! That's my happy-happy-joy-joy-noise.

I may even have to make a Sunday post, depending on how I'm feeling, about the goings-on of Saturday. Tee hee...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I apologize. I know I was supposed to finish the blog I wrote over a week ago but alas, my lappity-toppity decided to take a shitty-ditty so it didn't happen. I've also been busy. No, seriously! We had to clean out my great-grandmother's house in Beecher which was both a happy and sad day. We took a look at what was left and gathered the few things that we wanted. I got my cousin a beautiful set of brass cock....a doodle doos. She loves them. Then because I found a record player in a closet at her house of course I had to play with it. Then I had to go to my mom & dad's house to get some of their records. I've been listening to Paul Revere & the Raiders for the last week. I'm driving my children crazy. Tee hee....

Then I went and got myself a job! Yes! An actual job! I started my new job on Monday. It's very exciting. I'm nervous because they want me to train with my coworker and get comfortable with the position ASAP. We'll discuss that later. My boss is awesome. He's friendly, makes sure that if your family has any issues that you take care of them before work, understands if kids are sick or on a field trip, and lets you have every Friday off! Huzzah! My former supervisor understood all of this, unfortunately her superiors didn't. I miss working with her and consider her one of my best friends. She made sure that I had an UNFORGETTABLE birthday last year. I can't wait for this year!

Speaking of birthdays, it's Li'l Sis's 21st birthday on Saturday! Happy Birthday Baby! I remember the day they brought her home. While I'm not a biological member of the family, I was always included (as were my parents and my brother) in every family function, birthday, event, etc. that my best friend Nerma's family had. I need to go over and find some old pictures from yesteryear but frankly I'm a little frightened of what I might find. Nerma is coming home for this blessed event and I will also be in attendance. I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself. SSSQQQQQQQQUUUUUUEEEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLL! Oh, and there's a possibility that I might be going out with my friends from my former place of employment on Friday. That makes me incredibly happy as well.

All in all, things have been looking up...:)

That's the night that the lights went out in Door County...

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: THIS IS A TWO-PARTER. GO POTTY NOW BECAUSE IT'S A LONG ONE**

When we were just wee youngsters, say, 13 or 14 years old, Nerma's parents decided that we were going to take a 3-day vacation to Door County. Whatever made them think this was a good idea is beyond me. At this point of the early 90s the amusement park Thumb Fun was still operating. We were going to spend Friday night at the campground, playing and swimming, Saturday at Thumb Fun, and then Sunday playing, packing up and making the 45-minute drive home. The cast of characters is as follows:

Nerma - my bestest friend since 1988
Spacey - Nerma's stepsister, also one of my bestest friends since 1988
Li'l Sis - Nerma and Spacey (and my common-law) baby sister.
Anal Annie - *Name changed to protect, well, us. Let's just say her hobbies included cleaning, organizing, and just plain driving us insane with her "activities." She was a friend by default, with her living next door to Nerma and all of our parents being friends with each other. She was also a year younger but acted much, MUCH older. Like, grandmother mentality...
Mom - Nerma, Little Sis and Spacey's mom.
Abba Zabba - Nerma, Little Sis and Spacey's dad.
Feewah - Me.

Friday afternoon we all pile into the mini-van for a weekend of fun. We make the 45-minute trip to Door County, find our campground and begin setting up camp. Nerma, Spacey and myself, being well-seasoned campers had thrown the usual "camping clothes" into our duffel bags, of course not bothering to fold them because, duh! they're camping clothes! Anal Annie, who had never stayed anywhere but a 4-Star resort, let alone in a tent with three other girls, had her brand new duffel bag organized, ORGANIZED, with NICE clothing, i.e., white socks, light-colored shirts and shorts, and OMG, little plastic baggies for each one. W...T...F... When the rest of us changed clothes we were lucky if they even made it into a dirty-clothes pile, let alone into their own separate baggies so "not to contaminate the clean clothes." Gimme a C! Gimme an R! Gimme an A! Z! Y! WHAT'S THAT SPELL?!?!?

Anywhatsit, by the time we had set up camp and gotten our sleeping bags arranged it was beginning to get dark. Abba Zabba gave us a handful of quarters and said "Here. Go play in the arcade." Being a group of 13/14-year old girls we took this to our full advantage. Anal Annie stayed back at the site to read one of her many Harlequin novels.

If I remember correctly we put our swimming suits on under our clothes and headed off to the arcade, where Nerma, Spacey and I won NUMEROUS rounds of pool, thanks to the fact that Nerma's parents had A POOL TABLE IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR FAMILY ROOM! I mean, come on! How cool is that?!? After a while of kicking ass playing pool and Nerma almost skewering me with a cuestick we decided to jump the fence and take a swim.

Sometime during our brief swim the night turned even darker and we began to notice lightening in the distance. *Note: I HATE STORMS. This is one of the only things that will make me crawl into a stranger's lap faster than a speeding bullet. The other thing we'll talk about later.

We gathered our clothing, which had been strewn about the patio and high-tailed it back to our campsite. Once back we put on our jammies and snuggled into our sleeping bags, taking time to make sure that we rearranged Anal Annie's socks and underwear because she was already asleep. We fell asleep about two hours later, after making sure that we behaved like ladies would while camping. You know, burping, farting, making obscene noises, naughty shadow puppets on the walls of the tent...and of course after the second warning to SHUT the HELL UP from the campground warden and the fact that the people in the site next to ours got disgusted and, well, um, left...

Suddenly we were awakened by a loud crash and flashes of lightening. Mom, Abba Zabba and Li'l Sister were asleep in their tent less than 10 feet away but there was no way we were going to attempt to make it over. The rain was coming down in torrents, so us, being the three smarter campers moved our sleeping bags as far away from the walls of the ancient tent as we could so they wouldn't get wet. Anal Annie slept through anything (we used to set up Barbie items on her during sleepovers) so no matter what we did we couldn't wake her to get her to move her stuff. Needless to say, she was pissed when she woke up soaking wet.

We spent the rest of the night screaming in both utter terror and excitement as what we thought was the storm of the century fell upon us. Anal slept. The next morning we stumbled out of the tent half asleep, thanks to the terror of the night before. Turns out a tornado had touched down just a few miles away! Fancy that! Anal grumpily rearranged her duffel bag and began hanging up her soaking wet pillow and sleeping bag, wondering why OUR stuff wasn't wet and bitching at us for not waking her up to move her stuff. Hmmm.

After feeding the troupe breakfast, calming down Anal and giving me an ENORMOUS dose of ibuprofen (oh, did I forget to mention that I had my braces put on just two days prior to all of this? My bad.) we piled back into the mini-van for a fun-filled day at Thumb Fun...

Tomorrow: Haunted Houses, Bumper Boats, and CUUUUTTIIIIEEEEEEE the Vampire.

Weird Wednesdays

I've been sitting here all morning trying to come up with something interesting for my first installment of Weird Wednesdays. PPPPPFFFFTTTTTttttt... That's the sound of my brain farting. I got nothin'.

Even desperate pleas with my family and friends gave me nothing, although my cousin, who is on her first day off since last Tuesday gave me list of ideas but still, nothing.

Although the "Why I'm Glad I'm Not a Hoarder" suggestion has been moved to the top of the pile.

The only thing that popped into my empty head was "Strange Things My Kids Say Without Thinking First" and "Things I Need On a Daily Basis to Survive." Lucky you. You get both.

While walking through the pet store on Sunday we decided to peruse the aisles to kill some time. We took a stroll down the Guinea Pig/Hamster/Gerbil/Other Small Disgusting Animal aisle when my son stops dead in his tracks. "Mom, we need one of these." He reaches up and pulls a Guinea Pig/Hamster/Gerbil/Other Small Disgusting Animal water bottle down and hands it to me. "Bub, why would we possibly need one of these? For the cats? 'Cuz they have a water dish." Bub's response? "The fish might get thirsty." My wonderfully brilliant big-hearted son was dead serious. "Um, Bub, let's think this over quick. Do fish REALLY need a water bottle to drink from?" I finally see the lights come on. "Ooooooooooh! Duh. Fish don't have tongues anyway. How would they lick the end to get the water to come out?" Sheer brilliance.

Coffee. I am useless without it. My loving mother went on a weekend vacation with a friend last summer and brought me back this. My entire family is obsessed with coffee. I'm pretty sure there's a field of beans named after us somewhere in Columbia. When I first met Kel he wasn't really into coffee. Over the last 15 years I've brought him over to the dark side. Now he can't function without his wake-up of a double espresso.

C.S.I. Well, as long as it's not, C.S.I.... *puts on dark-mirrored sunglasses* ...Miami. YYYYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Sorry. Had to do it. That's one thing I'm going to miss when I'm finally welcomed back into the workforce. The all-day C.S.I. and C.S.I. New York marathons every day on SpikeTV.

Well enough rambling. Anyone else have any other helpful ideas to rid my brain of the fartz? Suggestions are always welcome. If I don't get suggestions it's going to be a very VERY uninteresting rest of the week. Except for the Hoarders thing. I think I'll save that for Friday....

Please allow me to introduce myself...

...while I am not a man, nor do I have wealth and very little taste, I figured it sounded as good as anything for a title. I figured that since I have actually been enjoying blogging so far I might as well tell the people who I am.

My name is Sarah, and yes, I do blog with my real name. I mean seriously, who would pick Sarah as their alter-ego name?

I am 29 years old, and as of May 1st of this year I will be 29. Again. I live in Green Bay, Wisconsin with my husband Kel and our two beautiful children, Bubba, age 7 and Pickles, age 4. Currently I am unemployed, being laid off by the company I worked for the day before my 29th birthday. Luckily I am still very close with my former supervisor so it hasn't been all bad. I got spend the summer and most of this school year with my kiddos, helping out at preschool with Pickles and taking long walks to and from school with the Bubster.

I grew up in the shadow of Lambeau Field. Literally. My mom has season tickets and walks to every game. You can see the lights of the field from my parents house. When the Goodyear Blimp flies over during games they shine a spotlight down on the city and directly onto their house. It's like a scene from "The Fugitive" with the giant light chasing you as you run down the street. We had more fun with that...

Kel and I got married in 2002 and found out two weeks after we got married that we were expecting our first child. Thanks to a blood pressure condition I was diagnosed with when I was 19, Bubba was born 2 months early, weighing in at 3lbs, 14oz and 16 1/4 inches long. He spent his first three weeks in the NICU fighting with the nurses. He is now 7 and is the most wonderful Bubba ever!

Pickles was born in 2006. Luckily my doctors had my bp issues fairly under control by this time, so she was only 3 weeks early, weighed 6lbs, 7oz and 19 inches long. She is now 4 and is an evil genius, much like her older brother. She is the best Pickles ever!

I decided to blog because I needed an outlet to my ramblings. I mean, how many pissy Facebook status updates can you do without sounding like a complete and utter bitch? I figured there had to be someone out there with the same issues I have, or at least someone who wouldn't mind hearing about how Bubba drew the massive pirate map on his wall, complete with Xs for buried treasure, or how Pickles decided that it would be a good idea to use her marker-stamps to decorate a large portion of her bedroom wall when she was supposed to be napping.

Another big reason I decided to blog is that due to my unemployment, I was able to do some job searching online. One day, after spending hours emailing resumes and filling out online applications I needed a break. I came across Mommy Wants Vodka and immediately fell in love with the writings of Aunt Becky. After reading about her kiddos and realizing that I'm not the only one out there with an insane family I decided to try it out. Thank you Aunt Becky! You have shown me that even when I'm having a totally boring day that someone out there is actually interested in what I might have to say! A big thanks to Crissy too, as she also showed me that you can be a mommy and still be the same person you've always been, as well as coming up with those wonderful acronyms for certain people...

So that's me in a nutshell. I also have many, MANY wonderful friends that I'm able to call my "best" friends. Too many in fact that if I mentioned it here it would take me hours. I also have a very supportive family and family-in-law, and am probably one of very few people that really does get along with her mother-in-law!

Again, a big thanks to you that actually do read this. If I'm able to make one person laugh or feel better about themselves, I feel accomplished.

Sarah :)

The Ballad of Nick da Fish, a.k.a., Bribe Fish

**THIS IS A LONG POST. I APOLOGIZE…**

When Bubba was in the beginning stages of potty training, Kel and I sat down and discussed a "rewards" program. We gave him the option of either a sticker or an m&m when he went potty, with one reward for, well no. 1 and two for no. 2. He chose stickers. We also did the “Potty Passport” program. We had a potty chart on the back of the bathroom door as well as the official “Potty Passport” booklet that he got to fill in every time he went to the bathroom. The passport had a spot in the back for the BIG REWARD when all of the other pages were filled in. This worked wonderfully as Bub is so hands-on with things like this. His BIG REWARD we decided was a fish. Something he could help us take care of and feel like it really was his own. We did have one stipulation though. If he decided he was not going to use the potty and use his new Thomas the Train undies as the bathroom, fishy would have to go back to the store.

So when he had filled in his passport and his chart it was off to the Wal-Marts to get a fish. Nick I was a very pretty light pink, blue and peach Betta. On our way home from the Wal-Marts we asked our then 3-year old son what he was going to name his new fish. We figured that even though the Bubster is pretty creative that he’d name it something like any other typical 3-year old would name a fish, something like Fishy, or Swimmy, but no. He named him Nick. Thus, Nick da Fish, a.k.a Bribe Fish, was born.

Nick I was purchased around Easter of 2006. Pickles was still a wee Baby Dill (Milwaukee Pickle reference to those who don’t have access to Milwaukee Pickles, which I feel are MUCH better than all other pickles) so we didn’t have to worry about her begging for a fish of her own. That summer my brother came home from Afghanistan on leave and stopped by for a visit. Bubba was very excited to show off Nick I and Brother, a.k.a. Uncle, was more than happy to see him. After the Bub bounced off to play Uncle looked at me and said “There’s something wrong with Nick.” I ran over to the tank just in time to see Nick take his last gulp of water. The next thing that ran through my mind was OHMYGODBRIBEFISHISDEAD! Thank God that Uncle was there and came up with a great plan. “I’ll run to the Wal-Marts and get a new fish while you keep him occupied. When I get back I’ll take him outside and you make the switch. He’ll never know.” I thought this was brilliant.

So Uncle takes off to the Wal-Marts and Bub and I continue with our afternoon. Uncle comes back with Nick II (which to Bub is still Nick I) and takes Bub outside to play on the swingset. I rush to the truck to grab Nick II only to find, with both shock and dismay, that Uncle apparently forgot that Nick I was a beautiful light pink, blue and peach Betta. In my hands I held a bag with a Betta, but this one is dark (almost blood) red and royal blue. The EXACT OPPOSITE coloring of what Nick I was. So now I stand there thinking FANTASTIC! How the flock is this going to work?!?

I made the switch anyway. Bub comes in and plays with Uncle for the afternoon. That evening, while skipping through the kitchen he notices that Nick I doesn’t look quite right. “Mommy, why is Nick a different color?” I blurted out the only thing I could think of at that millisecond of time. “Well Bub, sometimes in the summer, when their water gets warmer, some fish change colors. It’s summertime now so maybe he decided that it’s time he changed his color.” Bubba’s response? “Oh. Like a chameleon? I get it!” Off he skips, just glad he has a fish.

Fast forward to 2009. Shortly after the beginning of the school year we noticed that Nick I (really, Nick II) was starting to be more lethargic. How we noticed a lethargic fish is beyond me because every fish I’ve ever seen is just plain fricken’ lazy… Anywho, we decided to let nature take its course and talked to Bubba about how Nick was just getting old, and that most fish don’t usually live that long and that he was very well loved and taken care of. Actually we’re amazed that he really did last that long. Poor Nick was pushed off the kitchen table 3 times by the two stupid cats, and two of the three times the vase he was in shattered. Bubba understood this as my great-grandmother, which I was very very close to, passed away in April of 2008. He decided that Nick was up in Heaven with great-great grandma. So off to the pet store we go.

This time we headed to PetCo. Pickles had by now gotten her own bribe fish from PetSmart but there was a Packer game, and you don’t go anywhere near the stadium on the day of a football game. Sadly, PetSmart is near the stadium. Bubba picked out another dark red and blue Betta and named him Nick II, which was really Nick III, but again, he doesn’t need to know that. Kel and I called him Nick Too…So we picked up Nick II, brought him home, and admired him. He had a nice home in a beautiful tank next to his friend Nemo, which is what Pickles named her bribe fish. Obviously a typical 3-year old chosen name for a fish.

So Saturday Bubba comes in from playing outside only to notice that Nick Too isn’t doing so hot. In fact, he’s floating sideways on the top of the water. Once in a while he tried to dive to the bottom only to shoot right back up to the top. I had just changed the water in both tanks and Nemo was just fine, so it wasn’t something I did. I used the same water for both of them; we keep a gallon jug full just for the fish so it’s always at room temperature. We figured Nick Too was on his way to fishy heaven so we again let nature take its course. Sunday it was off to the PetSmart to get a new Nick.

We got home with Nick III and left him in his little container to bring his water up to room temperature. Yes, Nick III is dark red and blue, just like the previous Nicks. I took Nick Too out of the tank to clean it for Nick III and put him in a vase on the kitchen table to pass away peacefully. He was pretty lifeless last night so I figured by this morning he’d be belly-up, but wouldn’t you know it, the little bastard is fine now! So now we have Nemo, Nick II, and Nick III all alive and doing fine. Prick. Bubba told me that I can have Nick II and that I should give him a new name. I figured sure, I’ll keep him until he goes belly-up. Now to think of a name for my fishy…