Farewell...

Tonight will be one of the hardest nights I've had in a long time. This is a sad post. Deal with it.

I've always been accepting of death, no matter how hard or sudden it is. I lost my great-great-grandfather when I was two years old due to old age. Two years later my great-grandfather (my grandmother's father) passed away due to a massive stroke at age 66. The year after that my great-grandmother (my grandfather's mother) passed away due to old age.

In 1993 my favorite cousin in the whole wide world lost her husband in a car accident. He was 23 and a Marine home on leave.

2003 took a very good friend of ours, Tommy Steinbruecker. Tommy was the bassist for the local band Annex. They had played at BayFest the day before and were scheduled to play at a bar in the country the next day. After the guys were done setting up Tommy decided to go for a nice country ride on his Ducati. All it took was one mini-van not paying attention to take Tommy away from us. He was 26.

My dad lost his best friend Monte in 2004 to brain cancer. The man that survived racecar accidents, car accidents, and a motorcycle crash into a train had his life cut short by something no one could control.

In 2008 I lost my great-grandmother to old age. This was incredibly hard as she was with me for 27 years of my life. She was 18 when my grandmother was born. My grandmother was 19 when my mother was born. My mother was 23 when I was born. This meant that great-grandma was only 62 when I was born, grandma was 44. I was lucky enough to have 4 generations of Whicker/Seidel/Pelkey women at my wedding. I miss her terribly.

Tonight I watch the last episode of my favorite show "Deadliest Catch" with my all-time favorite captain, Phil Harris. I've been a Phil fan since before the show took off. I've had my CM hoodie for over 4 years. I sent my get-wells and concerns to Phil when he first started having his blood pressure issues. I sent my thoughts and well-wishes after his first health scare.

I'm also lucky enough to be friends, albeit FaceBook friends, with a personal friend of Phil's, Bonnie Rasmussen. Bonnie is also fricken' awesome because she's a biker chick, and I LOVES me some biker chicks! I was also friends with Bonnie back in the MySpace days, so pppbbblllttt on those of you against internet friendships!

Bonnie is an awesome lady with a heart of gold who has been taking care of Phil's personal affairs for quite a while now. She was the first person I sent an email to after Phil's untimely passing. I spent days crying for someone I had never met but felt like I've known for years. Bonnie was my shoulder to lean on. I thank her every time I get an email from her. She told me I'm a doll. Ha! ;) Someday we'll meet in person and have coffee and of course drinks.

Phil Harris reminds me of the men I have in my life. I grew up around bikers, drag racers, mechanics, gear-heads, etc. I married a diesel technician. You name it, I've probably either helped fix it, kill it, ride it, cut it up for storage, or asked to hide it. I'm not a girly-girl. Tee hee.

Watching Phil interact with his crew, his boys, his fans, showed exactly what type of person he was. A man you could sit down and have a drink with. My favorite off-show appearance of his was when he was on Paula Dean's show making stuffed mushrooms. Again, he was just a regular guy who liked to hang out at home, making bird houses and drinking coffee.

Phil was a biker. I love bikers. Watching him ride with Johnathan Hillstrand was one of my favorite things to see, as Phil was my ultimate favorite captain with Johnathan coming in at a very, VERY close second.

When I first started seeing the commercials for the last two-hour episode and heard Skynyrd's "Tuesday's Gone" I thought I'd be having a hard time with it. Then seeing Johnathan and hearing him say that he had the honor of walking this earth with Phil Harris and that' a damn fact clinched it. I'm definitely going to have a hard time with it. So here I sit, writing a blog about a man I never got to meet and never will meet. Then watching Johnathan and Josh Harris on Leno last night made it even harder. It's so hard watching a man I admire lose his life.

I can't say I was his biggest fan, as I never followed him from place to place, never made it to a CatchCon, never spoke with him in person. I'll probably never meet his sons or his crew, but I can still be upset over the passing of a man with a heart bigger than anyone could ever imagine. I'll always melt when I see those beautiful blue eyes.

Rest in peace Phil.

God needed a captain, and you're the best there is.